A Brief Ramble: Breaking Up with Motivation

Hey, motivation! Yeah…I’m talking to you.  I am officially breaking up with you.  As the old saying goes, “it’s not me, it’s you.”

After years of waiting upon you to bless me with the gumption to achieve my goals, I’ve realized that I’ve been waiting in vain.  A sad truth has FINALLY penetrated my thick skull:  you, motivation, are no friend of mine. You are fickle, you are fleeting, and you are unreliable.

You’d think I’d have figured this out sooner, however, I suspect dealing with depression may have clouded my logic.  Things become a bit hazy as you try to distinguish a lack of motivation rooted in depression from one that is simply the same everyday lack of motivation we all experience from time to time.

I always assumed (quite wrongly) that if I wasn’t feeling motivated, then I should wait until motivation struck again. I thought that if I was truly serious about my goals, motivation would always have my back and carry me onward to success.  This is skewed thinking at its best. The truth is, if I want to achieve my goals, then I need to put nose to the proverbial grindstone and just get on with it, regardless of how I feel.

Motivation is  a great gift when it makes an appearance, but it pays to be wary; much like that two-faced friend we all had in high school, motivation will look you right in the eyeballs and tell you how pretty and awesome you are and then, as soon as your back is turned, gleefully laugh at your gullibility.

Undoubtedly, there will be a period of adjustment as I try to end my dependence upon motivation.  Even so, I will do my best to avoid its stale waiting room of shattered dreams and instead move into the less fickle realm of good ol’ determination. In the meantime, there’s always coffee.

 

A previous pondering on motivation: https://hattievents.com/2016/02/10/motivation/

To YouTube, or Not to YouTube

Big, exciting, edge of your seat news: I started another YouTube channel!

Alright…that was totally anticlimactic.

This is the third channel I’ve started since 2014.  I deleted my first out of disgust and discouragement.  I started a second channel last year but left it to wither and die in a dry, dusty corner of the internet.  This Saturday, like a dung beetle returning to a favorite pile of steaming nourishment, I uploaded my first video on yet another reincarnation of HattieVents.  As I’ve said when I started my other channels, I do not expect to become “internet famous” nor do I think I’m particularly entertaining (I have to live with myself and, holy cow, can I be a bore). I simply enjoy making videos especially those that are more light-hearted.

My YouTube channel is a hobby, which is funny, because I’m not someone who is drawn to the hobby life (in fact, I wrote an entire post about that earlier this year).  However, this blog and making videos are the only two activities in which I have retained any continued interest, so I guess I’ve got myself a couple of hobbies now. What fun.

To ensure I remember that my channel is merely an enjoyable pastime, I have, to the best of my knowledge, left it un-monetized.  I’m hoping this will trick my brain into enjoying the channel as opposed to taking it too seriously which typically leads to unnecessary stress and pressure, inevitably turning a pastime into a chore.

I almost talked myself out of returning to YouTubin for many reasons. The main recorded message that kept playing in my head was, “you’re too old for this.”  I am rapidly approaching the half-century mark, and I don’t want to come across as some desperate old biddy who thinks she can compete in a platform that is largely the domain of the young.  But, it is also because I have that big birthday taunting me from the not-too-distant future that I am trying to push myself to do the things I want to do, regardless of whether or not I may be deemed too old.  I’ve spent the majority of my life worrying about what other people think, and it has done nothing but lead to missed opportunities both personally and professionally.  Quite frankly, I’m tired of it!

I am also trying to ignore how my camera shows my age and my wonky eye, which gets wonkier as the years go on.  I am trying not to obsess over the fact that I don’t have the best filming equipment or editing software and skills.  I am trying not to feel inadequate or “unworthy” because I don’t live in a trendy neighborhood filled with corner cafes where I can film close-ups of my designer flat white and avocado-scrambled-eggs on toast (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  I’m just a normal chick who lives a fairly uneventful life in the Middle of Nowhere, Texas and, regardless of what the internet says, that’s okay.

It’s not easy to ignore a lifetime of negative self-talk but I’m working on it.  I’m retraining my brain to throw out the old tapes and learn a new mantra.  To borrow a phrase from history, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”

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